Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
