I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
