He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
