God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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