I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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