I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
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