the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
