i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
