I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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