I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
