I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
