Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
