Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
