If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
