alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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