what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
