quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
