i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
This toilet bowl is my home.
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