My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
