Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
