did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
