please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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