no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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