I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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