$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
