Dual....:-)
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
