there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
