I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
