What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
