you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
