There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Randomize
