Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
