Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
smell my finger.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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