i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
