its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
