i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
