Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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