well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
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