The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
