He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
