I hate all girls vehemently.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
