The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I did not marry a roomba.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
