My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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