i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
