You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
