My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
