Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
