Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
