That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
