her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
