right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
